The sappy in me….

I have been told I can be sort of a “sappy” person. I don’t however really consider this to be a bad thing!! I looked up the definition of the word “sappy” and here is what Merriam-Webster.com had to say.
Definition of SAPPY
1 : abounding with sap
2 : resembling or consisting largely of sapwood
3 a : overly sweet or sentimental
b : lacking in good sense : silly

Now, definitions one and two are not what I am thinking when I use this word… 3 a and b both fit, however! It’s December now and the Hallmark channel becomes my FAVORITE in December. Why, you ask? Because it’s FULL of SAPPY Christmas movies!! Who doesn’t love a good, clean Christmas movie from the Hallmark channel? Well, besides MY husband and probably yours too! That’s ok, they don’t know what’s REALLY good for them anyway!

Another thing that might make me considered “sappy” are these blogs and things I find to read. It’s not that I set out looking for sad or sappy stories, but once I come upon them, I can’t help but to get all sucked in and read. Usually from beginning to end! Just last night I stumbled upon a story… a story that REALLY pulled at my heart strings!! I follow a lady on facebook who writes a cooking blog. Her page is called “The Baking addiction”. Stay away from her page if you know what’s good for you! Health-wise anyway! I was reading a story on her blog, about a lady who had just very unexpectedly lost her husband. She is also a cooking blogger. Of course when someone loses a loved one everyone wants to know how they can help. This lady picked a day and asked that anyone who wanted to help honor her husband and his memory make a peanut butter pie on that particular day and enjoy it with their own families. That was his favorite. The food blogging world shared this idea around, and tons of peanut butter pies were made. The Baking Addiction posted a link to the lady’s page, and I’ll share it with you here. (http://www.injennieskitchen.com)

After reading Jennie’s story I felt completely heartbroken!! For this lady, for her two VERY young children! It doesn’t appear that this lady is a Christian, she needs lots of prayer. I don’t know HOW on earth you’d get through such an ordeal on your own, without God there to turn to. Jennie’s husband was not sick. There were not any outward indications that he might be facing death so soon. They were having a normal Sunday… at 4:30pm he was helping his daughter learn to ride a bike, and by 5:55pm he was dead. This could happen to any. one. of. us. And it could happen at. any. time! This leaves me with many thoughts!! One, is that we all need to be ready to meet God at any moment! For anyone who is waiting until “a better time” to get things settled with him, you might not get a chance to decide that there is a better time. This poor lady may never get a chance to see her loved one again. If he did not put his faith and trust in Jesus and ask him to forgive his sins and to save his soul and take him to heaven, they will never be reunited again. There aren’t any glad reunions in hell. Do it NOW, don’t delay, don’t put if off for another day!!!

Secondly, and the initial reason for my writing this post is… how would we treat our loved ones if we knew that today was their last day here on earth with us? If later today, we knew they’d be gone, that we wouldn’t have any more chances to make amends with them over disagreements. No more chances to tell them how much you loved them. No more chances to hug and kiss their face. Would you act differently with them for this day? Would the things that once bugged you SO much about them matter SO much anymore? Why is that? Why is it that we can’t always treat each other like it might be our last day with them? How different would this world be!! For one, we’d be completely UNselfish people. We wouldn’t mind if our loved one wanted to take some time for themselves and do an activity that they loved to do for a little while. We wouldn’t mind if they took just a few extra minutes to finish up something before coming to do whatever we were asking them to come do. We would want THEM to be happy… we wouldn’t be putting ourselves first!! What a concept. I know this is not rocket science… but it just really hit me hard last night. I got to thinking about MY husband and how much I love him!! How I want to make him happy!! I wouldn’t want to lose him and be stuck thinking about how awful I had treated him or how things weren’t that great those days before he passed. This situation could obviously be applied to any loved one in our lives. It was a challenge to me… a challenge to make SURE my family knows I love them!! My family is my LIFE and they are all I want and need. I need to make sure I am treating them like that!! It’s so easy to get caught in the day to day, I am just as guilty (if not more) than the next person… but it’s just not right!! I need to apply “sappy” to my every day life!! And yes, I do do that sometimes, but I could sure spread a little more love, more often!

I don’t mean to be all “preachy” with this post… I am really just “preaching” to myself, if anyone at all. When I read stories like this, I can’t help but to want to just wring the neck of the world and say “LOOK PEOPLE!” To shout it from the mountain tops… Sometimes we just don’t know how good we have it! It’s not about the THINGS in our life… it’s about the people!! Don’t wait until those special people are no longer here to realize that!! If the world just had a big attitude adjustment, how pleasant a place we’d have to live with one another!!

I encourage you to read some of this lady’s story. To feel her raw emotion. To feel her broken heart. She felt like her life ended the day her husband passed away, as I am sure most of us would. She didn’t have a chance to make sure he knew she loved him. (it does sound like she did a pretty good job of that normally though!) Make a challenge for yourself… to treat those you love like it’s their last day on earth!! Just apply the basic golden rule… to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you!” Even just baby steps… just do one simple thing for someone that you know they’d really appreciate… it doesn’t have to be BIG or even cost a penny!! Maybe even spread the word… challenge others to do the same. What if this world started thinking about how others feel instead of worrying so much about *I* feel??? We could start a revolution!! A SELFLESS revolution!!

Tonight I am making a yummy dinner for my family. A true comfort food meal. I decided to go the extra step to make MY husband happy. I am making homemade mashed potatoes for one of the side dishes. Homemade mashed potatoes are not *MY* favorite thing to make. It’s mostly laziness… and the fact that I, personally do not mind the ole 2 minute box of Betty Crocker instant potatoes! However, I KNOW my hubby likes them so much better homemade! And it’s much more economical to purchase that big ole bag of sale potatoes at the store that I can use for more than just this meal anyway, right?!?! It didn’t take me long to peel up those potatoes and cut them up and throw them in a pan of water to sit there and boil, without my attention. This is a simple act of selflessness… I want my hubby to be happy!! And guess what? In turn that makes ME very, very happy myself!! It’s not all hard things. We can start small!!

Live your life today, like you might not have tomorrow! Better yet… live your life today, like your loved ones might not have tomorrow!! <3

"Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." James 4:14

Cusano family, party of…… SIX!!!!

Wow, so much has happened such I last had a blog entry!!  We’ve welcomed a brand new child into our family… and not just ANY child, a BOY child!!!   Good thing too because this blog is called “threes a charm in GIRLville”!  We can still keep the name!   Three is a charm for the girls, but one is the biggest blessing of all for the boys! I STILL cannot believe we had our little BOY!!

I went in on May 4, 2011 at 8am to have a scheduled Amniocentesis, which is a test done to check for lung maturity on the baby in utero.  The test is done by my doctor who pokes a MASSIVE needle through the outside of my stomach, guided by ultrasound, into a pocket of amniotic fluid to draw a small amount out for testing.  The needle really isn’t THAT huge, but it’s a VERY intimidating procedure when you are laying there 100% conscious and your doctor wants to poke into your very, VERY pregnant belly and you see your sweet baby in there wiggling around on that ultrasound screen!  This was my second test like this, I had one with Chloe as well!!  We then had to report to the Labor and Delivery department for monitoring of the baby since I had an invasive test.  The amnio triggered my body to start contracting.  I was having steady contractions every 2 minutes or so.  They weren’t horribly painful, but I could definitely feel them.  We thought we might be staying to have that baby whether the lungs were ready or not!   The tests came back and the lungs were NOT mature.  If we had the baby there was a big chance the baby would be admitted to the NICU, possibly with a breathing tube!    My doctor ordered IV fluids for me to see if they could stop the contracting that way, and sure enough after about 10 minutes of fluid draining into my veins very quickly, the contracting stopped and we were released to wait 6 more days to meet our little guy or girl!   I thought I might NEVER make it that far!

May 10, 2011 rolls around… time to meet our sweet little blessing.  We were scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 8am for a 10am c-section.  The girls stayed with my parents the night before and skipped school for the day to come and meet their new sibling as soon as Mommy and baby were out of recovery and into a room.  After all of the prep and paperwork was done… we were off to the OR.  Let me tell you, even after 3 previous c-sections that walk into the OR is still an intimidating one!!  Surgery is never nerve free!    As always, when you have a c-section your support person has to wait in the hallway while you are prepped for surgery and given your spinal block.  Mike waited out in the hallway and I went in to the (always) FREEZING cold operating room.  There was a regular anesthesiologist as well as his assistant or student or something… I am not sure what his title was, but he ended up being the one to give me my spinal… when you have someone putting a long needle into your back, the last thing you want to hear is his teacher or “over-seer dude” say is “I think you missed it”… YOU THINK HE MISSED WHAT EXACTLY???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!   That was pretty uncomfortable!!  I remember asking my nurse “he missed what?”  And she didn’t answer me!    Probably smart.  Anyway, there apparently didn’t end up being a problem because I ended up completely numb from the chest down and all was well!

10:15am and we hear a sweet little baby cry!!!   WHAT DID WE HAVE???  My doctor, who is the best doctor on the planet, I must say…   had worked it out with Mike that she’d pull the baby out and Mike would tell me what we were having!!    That moment could NOT have been anymore exciting!  I am SOOOOOOOOO thrilled we waited to find out!!!   Well, I heard the baby cry and no one was saying what it was.  Mike was in shock!!   He was trying to get a picture of our baby coming out, and trying to speak at the same time and it just wasn’t working!    WE HAD A BOY!!!  We have been in that delivery room 4 times now and never before had we seen those parts!   LOL  It was the greatest thing ever!    Of course we LOVE our girls and what Momma isn’t completely THRILLED she has a daughter, but this boy was something special!  Lincoln Michael Cusano was born weighing 9lbs 2oz (HOLY COW!!) and was 21 inches long.

About 13 months prior to our little Lincoln being born we suffered a miscarriage.  We had NOT planned on getting pregnant so soon.  We weren’t even sure we wanted to have another baby.  Going through a loss is very hard, and we had been through it twice in our lives already.  I didn’t think I could handle that again if it came to that point.   I’m not sure why I still question what *I* can handle though really, because my God knows what I can handle, and he promised never to give me more than I can handle… he is always there with me helping me through whatever he sends my way.  And in everything he “deals me” there is a lesson to learn, trust to be gained, faith to be built!!  God was molding me through those times.  I prayed to the Lord that if I were ever to be able to have another child that he might give us a little boy.  I knew that I was only allowed four full term pregnancies, because of the fact that I have to have c-sections due to my medical history and circumstances.   I love girls and really enjoy having three girls!  They love each other and get along so well.  But I really wanted to experience a boy as well, and just over a year later God answered that prayer.  Not only were we NOT planning another pregnancy, that was definitely a surprise gift straight from God, he decided to REALLY show us himself and his love and grace by giving us a little baby boy.  A direct answer to my prayers!     Our Lincoln is a gift from God.  (As all children are, but this one was so specifically prayed for it makes it all the more exciting!!)

After Lincoln was born he had some breathing problems.  I had had gestational diabetes and expected to hear that the baby would have sugar issues after birth.  His sugars were completely fine!  He was monitored for 24 hours for sugar levels and never had a problem!  PTL!!    Lincoln ended up being sort of whisked off to the NICU very shortly after he was born. I got to give him a quick kiss and then he had to leave. He required 100% oxygen assistance via a nasal cannula.  I was off to the recovery room while baby and daddy went to the NICU!     My spinal block was a pretty good one, because it took me almost my entire two hours of recovery to be able to wiggle my toes and move my legs at all.  They won’t let you leave recovery until you can move your legs around somewhat.  I thought I may never get out of there!    Finally I was able to move them and the nurse said we could “stop by” the NICU and see the baby on our way upstairs to the Mother/baby unit.  We went into to see Lincoln and I thought I would only be able to touch him in his little bed.  I hadn’t been able to hold him yet or really even see him much, since they were in such a hurry to get him the help he needed so quickly after birth.  The nurse asked me if I wanted to hold him and OF COURSE I did!!   He was in only a diaper since they needed to see his chest and how he was breathing, so they had me hold him skin to skin.  What an amazing time with a newborn baby!  He was SO precious and warm and sweet and cuddly and WONDERFUL!   While I was holding him his little nasal cannula came out and he was without oxygen assistance for a minute or so.  We called the nurse to put it back in and she noticed his stats were still doing just fine even with losing the oxygen for a short while.  After our mommy/baby time Lincoln started being able to wean off of the oxygen and eventually not need it at all.  That was such a great experience… he just needed his mommy and was able to start getting better!!!   I was able to hold him for an entire hour before my nurse made me leave to go up to my room.  He ended up being released from the NICU around 5:30 or so and was able to come up to Momma’s room.   We couldn’t have been happier!!

Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Lorrie brought the girls up to meet their new baby brother as soon as we were all together in the room and the rest is history!   They were the happiest new sisters in the world!!   They finally had a baby brother!!  They are all the biggest helpers and love taking turns holding him.  The newest thing is “can I stand up and hold him?”  Don’t they know it’s SO much more comfortable to sit and hold a new little guy??   Not to mention SO much safer and easier on Mommy’s nerves!

I remember being so concerned about my life as I knew it completely changing, and it did in a lot of ways.  But only in wonderful ways!!   The things I thought might never come back to me, mostly came flooding back without delay and life has only been more exciting!!  I have the three biggest helpers ever!    Life is grand…    It’s a month later now and I am STILL smiling from this experience!  I have said several times that motherhood the “second time around” is for sure the way to go!  I had had one child, then another 2 1/2 years later, then another one only 13 months later.  At that point, I needed a break.  We all needed a break! We had been in “babyville” for quite a while and as much as I love babies, I needed some time and my babies needed some time to have Momma… not another baby vying for her attention constantly.  Now with older children around to help, and a rested up and recovered Momma ready to be at the “top of her game” again… we are all able to enjoy this, our last baby, in a more quality way… a much more SPOILED way!!

Here we are, 34 days later, counting our blessings… naming them one by one…. Ainsley…. Paige….Chloe… Lincoln! 

Because sometimes a facebook status line just doesn’t allow enough “characters”… :)

So, this might be the most random post I have ever written… but I felt like writing again, it’s been a while now, and these are the thoughts that happen to be on my mind to share…

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG winded I am.  This is not a new concept for me, or TO me for that matter… but I’ve just been taking notice more recently!  I know my husband has mentioned it a time or two over the years…   (Edit… he mentioned it again tonight while I was telling him something that happened in my day… not in a mean way or anything, but I found it highly amusing that I had written this (not published yet) and he noted “my mad skill” again!!)   In fact, the first time I can remember hearing it was from my third grade teacher.  She didn’t use the words “long-winded”, but she did say I talked a lot.  Teachers think they know everything!   *hehe*   I’ll write a facebook status and more often than not I am forced to edit my perfect words   because there are too many characters involved.  Look, sometimes I have a lot to say and it needs to be said a certain way!   I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing…but with me, you don’t have to worry about missing out on many of the details… which I am also not sure if that is good or bad!  LOL

I first started composing this blog post, in my head,  at 4am this morning.  I was completely and totally, 100% awake from at least 4 to 6am… possibly being prepared for middle of the night feedings and baby awakenings?!??!    I had a million thoughts going through my mind,  I wanted to get up and type then, but I didn’t want to bother anyone who WAS able to sleep like a baby in the room…    I am trying now to remember everything I wanted to say then… and it seemed like a good thing to blog about at the time, but now that it’s coming out, it doesn’t seem all so interesting…   I won’t be offended if you quit reading!

One thing I did definitely want to share was about  our extremely “interesting” week last week… our house was hit HARD with a flu bug.  Mike was bed-bound for 2+ days and was hardly able to eat a thing… that is very unusual for him.  It’s hard to even get him to stay home when he is sick, let alone see him pretty much physically unable to get out of bed for so long!!     104* fevers, coughing, the works…   And in true Cusano fashion, all three girls took turns coming down with the bug as well, thankfully at different stages, so only one was super bad at a time.   We love to share EVERYTHING around here you know!   Today was the first day in two weeks that they were ALL able to be back at school!  We are still battling coughs, but apparently that is to be expected for a while yet!  Paige ended up at the doctor’s office yesterday because I suspected she had an underlying/secondary  infection and I was right… over the years I have gotten a little too good at figuring these girls health situations out!   She has a sinus infection that was causing her nasal drainage to continue on and on and on and on, so much so that she developed a rash (aka impetigo) under her nose from the constant wiping.  Her cough was also worse than the other girls due to the extra infection raining in.  She is now on antibiotics and hopefully on the mend in a QUICK way!  The doctor we saw said they have seen a multitude of cases of the H1N1 flu over the last few weeks in their office, along with a lot of cases of RSV.  She said that is more than likely everyone here had the H1N1 virus, all of the symptoms matched.   WOW!  All that hype last year about this nasty flu and hardly a peep this year and then we get it!!  I am actually quite glad I didn’t know at the time exactly what it was!!   What I did find HIGHLY interesting though were the facts she gave me that a doctor friend of hers had shared.  They had NUMEROUS cases of adults in the area, and surrounding areas, who were admitted to the ICU because of this flu, some of the most afflicted were  pregnant women!!   Apparently (any flu bug)  is one of the worst things you can get while pregnant… your body has a very hard time fighting it properly!   I shared with her that I was the ONLY one in our family of five who never had a single symptom!!  I find that pretty interesting and more than a coincidence!!    I know that many of you were praying for our family, and several of you specifically mentioned that you’d pray that I didn’t get it, and I didn’t!!!!  God was working to protect me and our precious unborn baby and I am so thankful to him for that!!!   Thank you to all of you who prayed specially for us, your prayers were answered in a mighty way, by the all mighty God!!!    God knows our needs… my family has witnessed this first hand in MANY ways over the last few weeks.  It’s really something, to watch a situation that only you and God knows about, and see that situation be resolved!  Many times at the last possible minute!  I’m not sure why God allows all of that nail-biting in there… I guess to teach patience and trust… but it DOES make the answer, which I often consider to be a miracle, even better!     God knows our needs… he meets them accordingly… not over-abundantly necessarily, but sufficiently!   What a great God we serve, even when we are SO undeserving!!   I am also extremely thankful for my mother, who even though I am grown and out of her house, STILL takes care of me as if I lived there almost!   She brought our family chicken soup and some goodies to get us through, what felt like, the valley of the shadow of death!!   I remember Mike saying at one point he didn’t feel like he would ever feel normal and 100% again!!  It was a rough week+ with lots of answers to prayer,  and us seeking God’s face and him showing himself faithful, as he always does!   What a blessing, in a huge disguise!!!

I have had a song in my head frequently over the last month or so… I wanted to share the lyrics.

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He's coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing
My Savior, Jesus, is mine

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He's coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

Oh, glorious day

 

Thank you for reading my ramblings… it’s nice to get things on to paper, not just so that you can read them now, but so that I can come back to the blog in the future and re-read posts and see what was going on in the Cusano household at the time.  This is my on-line journal!  I guess that shows how often I journal!      Things are about to get crazy around here… many things will change in the next couple of months.  We will welcome a baby and I feel like life as we know it will not be any longer.   I am not saying this is a bad thing, but a very “different” thing.  I am excited to see the changes emerge, to see the girls with a new sibling, to see Mike with his own infant again (because we all know that the guys aren’t the same with any other baby as they are with their very own!) and to see how life with an infant feels… I have three children, but find myself feeling like I’ve never even been through the infant stage before!  I am hoping to remember a thing or two along the way! 

We’ll keep you updated as the dates get closer… fourth and final baby Cusano is on the way… fast and furious, can’t wait to meet him OR her!

Until next time…

“Come in-laugh much-visit often“

 

Ainsley Diane is 8 today!!!

My first-born turned eight years old today… eight seems SO old for a child (as least any child of MINE!)  A friend an I were talking about how eight seems SO much older than seven… it really does!  It’s sort of  a scary thing when *I* myself can remember being the age that one of my children are… time goes SO fast!!!  Eight is old, I can remember things from when I was around that age, and from here on out (and quite possibly even before now) she’ll be able to remember things up into her adulthood from right now!   I guess that means I can’t mess up as a mom anymore… hmmmmmm!  :/

My kids are all growing so very fast!!  I feel like it was just a little while back when I had Ainsley!   I can remember that day oh so well!  (UNLIKE the fact that I can hardly remember what I ate for breakfast most of the time these days!!! )        The doctors had tried to induce labor the entire day, because I was starting to have serious blood pressure issues and they wanted the baby to be born.  I never did dilate and ended up needing to have a c-section… it was a LONG day, I was given a lot of unpleasant medicines to help with the blood pressure issues, so I was extremely groggy and tired and had been through a lot.   I remember the nurse trying to instruct me on something after the birth and I kept falling sleep while she was talking.. ahh the memories of that day!    After Ainsley was born, all was well… she was born at 3:19pm, weighed 7lbs 13 oz and was 20 1/2 inches long!   She is now almost 5 feet tall!!!  Mike used to measure her under his chin… like saying she was from his chin to about half way down his chest, when she was just a baby… NOW, she is from his chin all the way down to his toes!!  When she stands, he is only the height of his head taller than her!  She may just pass him up one day!!!

I had to be in the hospital for a few days because of the blood pressure and having had a c-section, but finally we were released.  I remember coming home and Mike, Ainsley and I laying on our bed and me thinking… “oh my goodness… I have a baby… WHAT where we thinking and what in the world do I do now?”   I was only 20 years old when I gave birth to Ainsley and had only been married 11 short months!!!   I wanted a baby more than anything… but I was young, and had NEVER taken care of a baby 24/7!  (Even though I had TONS of experience with babysitting… even some “live in”  babysitting… when I’d go and spend a week or more at a time with the family!)  I THOUGHT I knew everything about having children… that is until I had my own!     By the grace of God and lots of help and encouragement from friends and family along the way… we’ve made it!  Here we are EIGHT years later!!!   It’s unbelievable!!!

Ainsley is such a blessing!!  She is the best first-born child I could have ever asked for!  She was a GREAT baby… a super toddler/preschooler, she never really gave me any big problems… I was telling some friends the other day, I had NO stress just having one child… I can hardly even remember those days, we just did whatever, she was so go with the flow.   She has always been an excellent big sister, I can remember when Paige was born, Ainsley was 2 1/2 at the time and she’d get me diapers or wipes, whatever it was I needed, help entertain her, feed her bottle of  “mute-la” to her (what she called formula back then).   She’s always been an excellent helper!    One of my favorite words she had when she was younger was “chupet”… that was her word for Ketchup.  Those are some of the things I NEVER want to forget… it’s hard to remember the little things that made those first years so special!!!    Ainsley  has always been very teachable, a very fast learner!!  She does so well in school, it comes easy for her and I am thankful for that!  She definitely gets that from her daddy and I hope it stays that way!!!  She is so pleasant, even others say that… I guess THAT is how you know it’s for real, when she’s like that for others too!    Granted, she has her moments, she’s definitely not perfect, but she is a GREAT girl and I couldn’t ask for more!     She has such a kind heart, (just don’t ask her sisters! ), she loves to please and wants to do what is right! (Usually :p )   She has the greatest, deep down, from the depths of the belly laugh, that comes out when she is really happy and someone makes her laugh!   You can’t help but laugh yourself when she laughs like that!!  She used to laugh so hard when she was little, that every single time you’d make her laugh she’d get hiccups and we’d have to be careful because she’d laugh until she threw up… I know not a pretty sight… but a sign of a HAPPY kid!   (And yes, that was TOO happy for me! )

I truly have a special girl… born eight short, short years ago today!  I am thankful for that day, for these past eight years and for God’s protection and grace he’s given our family over the years!  Without him, we wouldn’t be where we are today… Ainsley wouldn’t be the girl she is today!!!   I pray Ainsley continues to grow in the Lord… she asked Jesus to come into her heart on August 16th 2008.   She has a desire to  learn more and asks questions all the time… that makes us as parents happy!

Parenting is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do… but so worth every moment!!!  My girls are the world to me and I wouldn’t trade them or my husband for anything in the world!!!  I love them dearly!

HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY SWEET AINSLEY… MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE YOU “BIG MUCH”!

Until next time…

“Come in-laugh much-visit often“

This week Heaven got a little bit sweeter!

Hey friends!!   I’m going to share something here, that I wasn’t sure if I would share… it was information kept on the “down low” if you will… but I think it might be important to tell my story… maybe it could help someone else?!  I never intended for this to be a “secret”, I just wasn’t going to publish the information, but I think it’s a good idea to get it out, to “talk about it” in a way.   If you ever have a question for me about what you read, or ever want to talk if you have been through, or are going through a similar situation… feel free to send me a message.   I am a talker, I’ll talk to most anyone… I want to help.   There is a reason for things that happen… good or bad, I don’t know what that reason is, but I surely wouldn’t want to miss my part in making this situation an easier place!

This has been a challenging week in our world at the Cusano house.  I know of several families who have had hard weeks this past week!  I hope everyone is finding some solace in God’s love!!!   Sometimes though, that can be much easier said than done.   God has a reason for everything he does, I do know that.   Ecclesiastes 3 tells us “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven”.   Sometimes it is hard to hold fast to those truths we know so well… we let grief and self pity leech in and take over our crying soul!  The flesh is always there, whether a person has Christ in their lives or not, it’s an ever present force fighting against us… TRYING it’s best to overcome the spirit that lives within us.  BUT, with God ALL things are possible… ALL things!!!

This past week, we found out we had lost what we thought would be our fourth child entering this world, due on Christmas day.   I had decided to wait on “announcing” the pregnancy publicly because I didn’t want to have to come back  and “un-announce” if anything happened.   I was twelve weeks into my fifth pregnancy (we lost another baby back in February 2004).  I was having some anxiety and wanting to hear this child’s heartbeat, so I set up an appointment to go in earlier than my scheduled check-up (which was to be this Wednesday, I would have been 13 1/2 weeks along.  My doctor was on vacation this past week, which is why I had to wait a week past the normal 12 week check in a pregnancy) to listen for heart tones on our baby.  It was a nurse visit, and she attempted to pick up the heartbeat with what they call a doppler device that listens for the tones through my abdomen.   She was unable to find one, but thought she was hearing some flutters and couldn’t find baby under my own heart rhythm.   The nurse sent me back to the ultrasound technician there in our office to check and see what was going on.   The tech ran a scan, I knew there was most likely a problem,because she wasn’t getting right to “the good news” she was poking around and measuring and asking questions… I’ve had enough ultrasounds in my day to know what a heartbeat looks like and I hadn’t seen one on this scan yet…  there was not one.  Our baby had died.   Our baby only measured about nine weeks along, which means the baby had been dead for about three weeks.     I had my two little girls with me, so both myself and the ultrasound tech were trying hard to keep things low key and not make a huge deal.   When I did start to tear up, Chloe asked me if I was sad because daddy wasn’t here?  I told her YES!  That was definitely a reason to be sad!!!  Thankfully she came up with her own reason for me to be sad, because I wasn’t ready to tell them what had happened just yet.   They set me up with a doctors visit right away, and one of the nice nurse staff came and took the girls to color and have juice boxes in another room.    I talked with the doctor, we discussed all my options and the most likely reasons that this sort of thing happens.
What I had is most commonly known as a “missed miscarriage”.  They are not all that common in a pregnancy though, only a small amount of miscarriages are the “missed” sort.  The number one cause of a missed miscarriage is an abnormality in the chromosomal makeup of the baby.   This sort of complication is just not compatible with life.  My doctor assured me it was nothing that I did, or could have done.  Even if we would have known exactly what was wrong and exactly what would happen, there was nothing they or I could have done to prevent this.   It doesn’t make the situation one bit easier to handle, this was my child I was carrying… even though it was only nine weeks into gestation, this was a real life, I saw the heartbeat of this baby at only 6 weeks along, via ultrasound!   A LOT has happened by nine weeks into a pregnancy, all of the baby’s vital parts are formed and in place, the heart has separated into it’s four separate chambers, it’s really quite amazing!!!   This was really a little life that we lost and that is exactly how it feels!!!

One very positive thing that this situation does is makes me very EXTRA thankful for the three beautiful lives I have been able to successfully bring into this world!  I SO love my girls and hugging them is a bit sweeter these days!  I hug a little tighter each time,they are so special to me and I am so very thankful for them and who they are and all that they mean to me and my husband!   I’m also so very thankful to have a great husband through this sort of trial.   He deals with this sort of thing differently than I do, I am very emotional, I still have those crazy hormones giving me grief as well, so that just heightens the situation all the more.   My poor husband, I know he doesn’t always know exactly what to do with me , but he does a great job and is there for me and my girls!    The little girls didn’t seem to be too phased by this… they don’t understand everything going on, but our sweet Ainsley knew exactly what all of this meant and was very sad right away.   Her and I had our good cry together and then took a nice nap with each other!   She is a sweet, sweet girl and I hate to see her upset and sad!   She and daddy had a good talk later on while going to the store together too, and that helped her understand better and start healing a little!  That girl and her daddy have a special relationship that I am so thankful for!   Often times he does better talking with her and getting her to tell what is on her mind than I can!  (JERK!   JUST KIDDING!!!!!)  I am happy she confides in him so freely, and I informed Mike a LONG time back that I took the baby years on, he gets the teenage years!!!    The thing is, I think he’ll handle it with no problem!!!    He is a great daddy!!!    (HAPPY FATHER’S DAY MIKE!!!)

My doctor and I decided that it would probably be best for me to go ahead with a surgical procedure called a D&C to remove the pregnancy.   All the factors involved seemed to favor moving ahead with that decision.   I had the surgery this past Tuesday afternoon.  I had the absolute BEST team of caregivers on my side that day.  They did an EXCELLENT job of taking care of me!  From the lady who checked me in at the desk to the final nurse who wheeled me out to my car, post-procedure, the staff at Bronson Methodist Hospital is TOP-notch and the very best around!!!  I couldn’t say more about the care I was given!  They were GREAT!!!!   I wish I could do more to thank each one of them… during a situation like that, it takes a special person to care for the patient, they are having a rough time and need tender care, they ALL had what it took and then some!!!   The recovery process was pretty quick, physically.

We decided to have our precious baby buried at the sight we buried our other baby in 2004.   There is a wonderful funeral home in Plainwell, MI with a service just for still born and miscarried babies.  They have a special plot dedicated for these babies to be buried.   This used to be a completely free service, when we used it in 2004, we didn’t pay a penny.  They do have a small fee now, as the times have changed and they do have costs that go into offering these services.  They pick the baby’s remains up from the hospital for us, wrap the baby appropriately and bury them for us.  It’s a nice thing to have a place to visit and remember this child of ours for years to come!   We now have two babies to go and remember even though we know they are both safe in the arms of Jesus, not in that dirty ground!!!    Heaven got sweeter to us, six years ago, when our first baby went home to be with Jesus at around 13 weeks gestation… now we have two babies up there waiting for us to arrive and meet them someday.    I am thankful for the promise of heaven we can have and hold on to, even in days when I am weary, days when I wonder why, why, why???… God is still there, waiting for me to look to him and take his hand and just walk with him.   He’s ready to carry me, I don’t even have to walk!!!

A friend of mine on facebook had a few lyrics from a song on her page this week… I stole them and put them on my status as well.   They are a real comfort and a real truth to remember in time of hardship!

“God is too wise to be mistaken…God is too good to be unkind…so when you don’t understand, when you can’t see His plan, when you can’t feel His hand – trust His heart”

Wow, that is good stuff isn’t it?!?! 

Thank you to my friends and family that were praying and sending me special notes and even flowers!!!  It was HUGE to know others cared… to know we were NOT alone in this, even when there were many times I felt like I was!!!    THANK YOU… never think that there is such a thing as too much care and concern… a note can mean so very much!!!

We don’t know what the future holds now for our family… we look forward to God’s plan and what he has for us.   Only he knows the perfect path for the Cusano family!!

“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.”  2 Samuel 22:31

Lately…

So, I haven’t been keeping up with this whole blogging idea all that well… but what can I say?  My life has been busy, busy, BUSY lately!   We’ve managed to encounter basically EVERY germ type and sort known to man here in our little family, in the last few weeks… ok so not really, and boy am I ever thankful for that!  We have had our fair share of germs lately though.  Of course it all started on Mother’s day… I rang in my day being a true Momma… we had a nasty stomach bug that hit all five of our family members within 48 hours of the first onset of symptoms, wow was that a fun one!   We had to miss Mother’s day festivities with the family and hang out at home.  We seem to be getting REALLY good at missing “holiday” events.  We tend to choose those days to be sick!   My mom says we just should stop planning things, maybe she is right!

My girls are such troopers, they do their thing, deal with their illness,  and move on!  WAY better than I did at that age, or really even do now!    We decided we shouldn’t just stop at stomach bugs,  we managed to catch strep throat and pink eye over the past couple weeks as well, I think Ainsley carried it home to us from school (how sweet of her!) … that stuff tends to take a little longer and has taken longer for each new person to get it, which prolongs the “sick period” around here to what feels like an eternity!   Going through all of this can really weigh a person down… man!   I am ready to trade in my “nurse-momma” card for a new one… I’d even take the “referee momma” card at this point!  LOL  It’s amazing the things you forget you are normally bothered by when the kids are sick.  Such as arguing and fighting… I LONG to hear that when they are all down and out… if only they were well enough, they could get up and fight over something!    I remember hearing them arguing in the other room the other day after several days of not feeling so well, and it was pure bliss to my ears!!!   Strange huh?!?
It’s the little things we tend to take for granted… is that why I’ve been faced with all this to deal with?  I need to remember to remember?  Who knows… but I have come to realize I am so thankful for even the small things, the fact that my kids are healthy (contrary to the popular, most recent,belief!) and not chronically ill, not facing an illness that we don’t know from one minute to the next if they’ll even be here for me to take care of!  I guess that makes me thankful that I am able to take care of them, even in sick times!  They are an inspiration to me, to be better… to be as strong as them even when they are sick!   That is a concept… they are sick and stronger than me?  Yep, I think it’s true sometimes!  They don’t lie around complaining… they usually soak up the extra attention, take advantage of being waited on hand and foot, and watching tv 24/7 without consequence!     Kids are great… they really are!  At least mine are!    I’m so thankful for them and the gift that they are, the enlightenment they bring to our lives and the joy… pure joy!    I am SO looking forward to a healthy spurt around here, if we can get one… I think like the next 10 years without illness should just about do it!    I am also UBER (that word is dedicated to you Mike) thankful for a husband who helps me out so, SO much!   We don’t have that “wife’s job” rule at our house, even though he works an out of the house, 40+ work week job… if he sees things aren’t just right for whatever reason, he’ll pitch in and do them for me and make sure things are getting done when I can’t or haven’t been able to get to them!    This team work thing, really makes life SO much easier and more enjoyable!   Thanks Mike, you’re a charm!

In other news… this is memorial day weekend!!!  The “official” start of SUMMER!!!!   WHOO-HOO!!!  I am so excited about summer and summer break and HEAT!  We have had no lack of heat this past week around my area, which is FINE by me… I have air conditioning!    There is actually a very funny story behind that… you see, about a month or so ago (back in chilly days) I told Mike, I think we can make it through a good part of the summer without turning on the air!  We have a REALLY nice breeze most of the time at our house with all the windows open, we live among fields and it usually travels through nicely… well, I made it through day two of the first hot spell… that is pretty good RIGHT!?!?   Hey, things change… a woman suffers, cries and whines and then the air gets turned on!   (Not really, but I did have some influence in the decision! ) I say it is all in the name of a “test run”.  We wouldn’t want to wait until it’s BLAZING hot out and then try out the air for the first time of the year and it not work RIGHT?!   We are still in “test run” mode… not sure how long this test will take to complete!

I love ALL things summer and am so excited about this one!   Nothing huge in the plans for our family, but it looks to be a nice few months!   I love it when Ainsley is home with us each day, no getting up early for school or rushing the kids off to bed at night because they need extra sleep for school… it’s ALL good!    Trips to the beach, park play dates with all of our friends, picnic lunches, garage sales… the list goes on and on!!!   I hope you are all enjoying these first heat filled, bbq calling our name, new sprinkler buying, kids frolicking in the heat, SUMMER filled days!    Until next time… stay cool!   (WHY on Earth did I just think to say the phrase.. “Stay Classy San Diego!” ???  MIKE!!!)

“Come in-laugh much-visit often“

I’m adding this on… I haven’t heard this song in YEARS, but thought of the lyrics this afternoon…

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

CHINESE FOOD!!! :D

Recently we took a small vacation up north to spend the weekend away,  just us and our lovely girlies!  We ended up getting a hotel with a small water park right in it in Mackinaw City and the kids had a BLAST!  It was the perfect little getaway for us!  While we were so close, we decided to give my big brother a call.  He lives up in Germfask (blink and you’ll miss it little town about an hour and a half northWEST *edit * of the bridge.)   We ended up going up there for the evening and enjoying a nice time with him, his wife and their family!  We don’t get to see them much, so it was a great time all together!  The kids had a blast up in “wilderness ville”!  There isn’t much to do there, you have to entertain yourself with the “great outdoors”!   Thanks to Jim’s kids and their friends, our girls stayed well entertained!!!

While we were there my sister-in-law, Julie mentioned this REALLY yummy sounding dinner she’d made for my niece’s birthday a couple of weeks back.  Homemade Chinese dinner is what they called it!  Julie says she doesn’t EVER go to a Chinese restaurant to eat out, “you never know what you are going to get” is what she says!   YIKES!     Can’t say I don’t blame her there. (They don’t eat out much anyway, because the nearest restaurant of any kind is an hour or more away!!)   She makes her own Chinese meal at home, she shared the recipes with me and I made it a few weeks after we got back home, and OH MY WORD… YUMMY!!!  It is SO delicious and not too hard either!  I’ve been telling a lot of people about it recently so I said I’d post it on my blog so you could try it too!  If you like good Chinese, you won’t regret taking the time to make this… SO delicious, my mouth waters just thinking about it all!!    I will say one thing, it’s best to have EVERYTHING all chopped up and ready to go before you start, because the actual process is pretty quick and if you aren’t ready to go with stuff, you may run into trouble!  I had to stop at one point in my first attempt at this meal to “catch up” on some prep, but went along fine after that and all was REALLY well!    I’d say make and assemble the egg rolls first, then you can fry them up while you are working on the stir fry part!

Chicken with Cashews

1 1/3 Pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts

6 tablespoons soy sauce

4 teaspoons cornstarch

4 tablespoons dry sherry (Rachel Ray says you should NEVER use a wine labeled “cooking wine” so buy the real thing and keep it around for this recipe… believe me, if you make this meal and much as me,  it will go fast!)

2 teaspoons grated ginger root (I just bought mine pre-grated in a little jar by the jarred garlic)

2 teaspoons sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper

2 tablespoons cooking oil

2 medium green peppers, cut into 3/4 inch pieces

4 green onions, bias sliced into 1 inch lengths

1 cup Cashews (I use the halves and pieces can)

Hot cooked rice (I used brown rice, it was just as yummy with this!)

Cut chicken into 1 inch pieces.  Set aside.

In a small bowl, stir soy sauce into cornstarch; stir in dry sherry, ginger root, sugar, salt, and red pepper.  Set aside.  Preheat a wok or large skillet over high heat; add cooking oil.  Stir fry green peppers and onions in hot oil for 2 minutes or until crisp-tender.  Remove from wok or skillet.  Add cashews to wok or skillet; stir fry 1-2 minutes or until just golden brown.  Remove from pan.  (Add more oil if needed at this point) Add half of the chicken to the hot wok, stir fry for 2 minutes (I did mine until I felt like it was DONE!)   Remove meat and add remaining half of chicken and stir fry2 minutes again.   Return all chicken to wok or skillet.  Stir soy mixture; stir into chicken.  Cook and stir until thickened and bubbly.  Stir in veggies and cashews; cover and cook 1 minute more.  Serve chicken and veggies at once.  Makes 4-6 servings.

Egg Rolls  (um, yeah, I said HOMEMADE EGG ROLLS!!!)  Heaven, in your kitchen!

1 Head of Cabbage – chopped  (I used my grater and grated mine up finely)

Carrots – chopped  (I cheated and bought a pre-chopped bag and just dumped in enough to look like a good mix with the other ingredients)

Green Onions – chopped (I used 3-4?)

1 can baby shrimp (This didn’t seem like enough to me, so I used two… if you like the baby shrimp in your egg roll to be NOTICED… add extra… you KNOW who you are!   )

1 can bean sprouts (yep, just put it in, it’s good!)

Fry up all ingredients in frying pan until it mixes well and is warm throughout and soft.

Add in 1 Tablespoon Peanut butter (yep, just put it in, it’s good!)     Let it melt all in.

Put into Egg Roll wraps, I found these in the produce section of my local store… like by the bagged salads. (You seal these with a mixture of cornstarch and water, just paint a little on the edges with your finger.  The wrapper inside of the egg roll wraps shows instruction on how to assemble the “perfect” egg roll… it really worked)

Deep fry until done!   ( I choose to use canola oil, TRYING to make it a teeny bit better!)

Now, I know what you are thinking… this lady just posted like 2-3 times about eating healthy and making better choices, why is she now deep-frying egg rolls???  Well, this is a SPECIAL occasion meal!   You know, like oh, it’s Tuesday and I need an egg roll kind of special???    Yeah, I know, this isn’t something we’ll have often!  Quite honestly I HAD to try this meal because my brother sent me home from his house with some homemade jalapeno jelly and told me I HAD to try it with these homemade egg rolls, so that is why I first made this, before the jelly was gone!    I was JUST trying to obey my brother!   He IS my elder you know!   Anyway, then I HAD to make the meal again the next week, because we were having dinner at my mom and dad’s.  So I made it for them too!   It was a hit!     You’ll be happy to know, I am making this meal this week MINUS the egg rolls!   The rest seems to be an ok dealy to have here and there!   I will omit the fact that we finished the meal at my mom’s with a “coca cola cake”… but yeah, I am omitting that part!

If you try this meal, please let me know what you think!  It is SO worth the little bit of extra time it may take to put it all together!  My family was all impressed and it was really like having Chinese take out at home… only fresher… tastier… and you KNOW what is going into your food!

ENJOY!!

“Come in-laugh much-visit often“